Facades

Sometimes you just have no idea what's really going on with people behind the scenes.

Sickness, sadness, fed-up-ness, trials & tribulations...the list is endless.

How many times a day do you ask someone "How are you?" or you are asked yourself. We politely reply "I'm fine, thanks." and go about our business. Are we really fine? At what point are we allowed to go off and express what's really going on with us?

Let me interject here that I AM FINE. Really.

We've experienced some events recently that just make me wonder what kind of crazy crap is going on with other people...neighbors, friends, family...that we don't know about. What kind of secrets do we keep? When do we decide to share, if we do? What are we worried about? Shame? Pity? Whining?

Food for thought. Do you put up a facade? Do you really know what's going on with your friends and family? Do you think they could be holding back on something?

Let me reiterate...I AM FINE...my family is FINE. I'm simply wondering!

I Love My Military Friends!

To any and all friends that we've had the pleasure of knowing, by being neighbors of, or having our kids hang out together, or whatever reason brought us together...I just want you to know that I treasure our friendship. I feel for our Army friends who undoubtedly know someone at Fort Hood and were scared senseless...I feel for my AF friend who is trying to get moved...I feel for my AF friend who has cancer - again....I could go on and on. We stick by each other, whether we're next door or across the globe. We have to.

Thanks for being my friend!

Negative Bias...

I've known quite a few people who have done their...."turn"...."penance"....."time"...."duty"....as a spouse of someone working at the Pentagon. I can't really remember any of them putting a positive spin on the situation.

Sure, there are many, many opportunities here in the DC metro -

- all the museums and monuments
- all the battlefields
- being in the heart of American government
- upscale shopping
- short(er) drives to East coast hotspots

But, for the most part, we all end up spreading the negative bias. And I'm not just talking about DC traffic. I'll hold off on the "area" bias for another day because I think I've put my finger on what I dislike about being a Pentagon spouse. (I was going to use the word "widow" instead of spouse, but realized that it was in bad taste.)

My husband has been an active duty Air Force officer for 19 years. I recently realized that the best years (for me) were the years where spouses were a welcome part of his job. Was I welcome at a party, or roaming around the squadron? Could I simply walk in the door and head to his desk (or cubicle, as the case most often was)? Did his co-workers know me when they saw me? Did I feel like I was "part of the team"? That's basically what it boils down to...being part of the team.....the cubicle team, the squadron team, the base team, the spouse team.

There's no team at the Pentagon.

We've been here 2 months and I have yet to see my husband's office. (He will say that's partly my fault and that I have shown no interest.) I have yet to meet anyone he works with. The Pentagon is a giant concrete building with controlled access. (Did I mention that the number of people working there is greater than the population of my hometown...by like 3 times?) People commute to work, people commute home. I suppose it's like a "normal" (non-military) job in that respect. My husband works longer hours now than he ever has. I suppose that comes with the territory...increased rank, increased responsibility. There's no room for family in this building. It is simply, a workplace.

The thing that gets me is that spouses of Pentagon workers are no different than Joe Schmo. I have a military ID, but it doesn't matter. I still have to be signed in and escorted in the building. I guess I've taken for granted all the access and privileges given to me before now. I no longer have an actual "base" that I can say we're stationed at. We're like nomads (with a house) who have to roam from post to post to base or wherever to access commissaries, health clinics, shopping, etc. Oh, and as far as shopping goes...don't bother heading to the PX nearest me for any children's items (clothes, shoes, etc) because they don't have any. Seriously, they don't carry any kid stuff. Guess I'll hit Target; it's closer than the BX in Maryland.

The SECAF just proclaimed this "Year of the Air Force Family". I wonder how the Air Force families of the Pentagon will be remembered/honored. I'm sure other bases will have parties and concerts and community fairs and all that fun MWR stuff. We'll probably be offered some discounted tickets to a Nationals game.

It just seems to me that being a spouse should count for something. I don't know what exactly I'm looking for, I just know what I'm not getting. No, I'm not interested in a Pentagon spouse support group. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm after a sense of being part of this "team" that my husband spends so much time playing for.

Special Knowledge...

Why is it that men (or, at least the men in my house) seem to think that women have some special knowledge about where things are in the house?! Does anyone else have this issue at their house?!

Yesterday, Nort washes his hands at the kitchen sink. There is that one last paper towel stuck to the roll. He stands there, hands dripping, and yells for someone to get him another paper towel. (I am also apparently the only person who will pry that last paper towel from the roll.) At that particular time, I was trying to assemble my family's dinner on their plates. The children were sitting on the couch in the next room. Did they come to their father's rescue? NO! "I don't know where the paper towels are!" (Did I mention there's a whole basket of napkins a mere 3 steps away from either one of them?) So, I stop fixing plates and walk 3 steps over to the cabinet where all the "extra" stuff lives...you know, the 3 or 4 rolls of paper towels, 2 packs of paper plates, the rest of the bag of napkins...all the stuff that's there, but no one knows is there. I grab a roll of paper towels and hand them to Nort. At least he managed to open them and put the roll on the holder all by himself. Which is something he won't do in the bathroom!

Is my husband the only one who doesn't know how to change a roll of toilet paper?! Where did I screw up in his training? Is that my fault or his mother's? Should I be making sure this is something my boys can do so any future daughters-in-law will not have to deal with such nonsense? (Nor blaming me for my son's faults!) I'm at a loss.

The cabinet will continue to be stocked. Will I continue to be the only one who can replace said items? Let's hope not...now that everyone's been schooled on where the mystery items live!

I Wanna Be Here...

Issues...

My husband will be pinning on O-6 here in about 3 weeks. It's kind of a big deal! I already bought a dress; the boys have nice, new khaki pants (still have to find some shoes). He's making all the arrangements at work regarding location, food, invites and all that stuff that he should be taking care of.

Is it selfish of me to not want there to be any hassles or 'issues' to deal with that day?

There are some extended family issues going on right now and I really don't want the 'issues' to overshadow the celebratory nature of the day. Even if they're not spoken, they'll be hanging around in the air. We'll be feeling it.

I feel bad about how this is probably going to go down, but on the other hand, it should be Nort's day to celebrate - not worry about somebody else's feelings. Right?!


UPDATE: 'Issue' has been dealt with. Hopefully the day will be cheery!

I Finally Figured It Out...or, Why I Like Base Housing

Ok, a little background...

Mather AFB, CA - base housing
Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ - 6 months in apt, then base housing
Little Rock AFB, AR - base housing
Pope AFB, NC - 6 months in apt, then base housing
Scott AFB, IL - off-base rental
Fort Leavenworth, KS - post housing
Scott AFB, IL - off-base rental
Maxwell AFB, AL - base housing
Pentagon, VA - off-base rental

It should be obvious...we like to live on base.

We've never owned our own home. We're probably the only people we know that have never bought a house. We have lots of friends who buy everywhere they go. They've made lots of money trading up. They've enjoyed a nice, big house in the suburbs, living amongst the townsfolk. We're not grown up enough to take that plunge. We're the ones who would get stuck with the house payment and nobody to rent it out...or there would be a flood or tornado or some major component of the house would need repaired or replaced and we'd be responsible...NO THANKS! We'll wait til the Air Force part of our life is over and then think about buying that "dream home".

Our taste of the suburbs has twice been assignments to Scott AFB. The first time we rented in Shiloh, a small community between O'Fallon and Belleville. It was nice. We rented it sight-unseen. It was a beautiful looking home on the outside and not too old, how bad could it be on the inside?! (It was nice on the inside too! My favorite layout of any home we've lived in.) The second time, we rented in O'Fallon, from a former co-worker of Nort's. It was a very nice home as well.

Being that the Pentagon doesn't have any housing, our options here were somewhat limited. On-post housing at Ft. Myer or Ft. Belvoir was going to be impossible. We certainly weren't going to buy. Renting was it for us. We were fortunate to have a friend in the area that found this house for us. It's nice, don't get me wrong. But, now that we've been here in VA for a month or so, I've finally figured out why I like living on base better than renting. (There are more than one reason, but I'm going for the biggie here.)

I'M NOT COMFORTABLE LIVING IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S HOUSE!

There, I said it. I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out. Like I said, there are plenty of other reasons...convenience, friends for Walker and TR, being with people who are "like" you, etc. The biggie for me is knowing that this is somebody else's house/home. How can you feel comfortable when the entire time you're there you're worried about scratching the hardwood floors, keeping dirty fingerprints off the walls, maintaining the yard so the neighbors don't think you're a slacker, wondering how many nail holes is too many...

When I'm in base housing, I know the house doesn't belong to anybody. I can make it my own. I can hang up whatever I want and someone else will fill in the nail holes when I leave. The walls may be that boring off-white base housing color, but it's ok with me. I actually prefer it to the lemon yellow kitchen that I'm currently sporting (which I would never choose) or the entirely faux finished/ragged/sponged bedrooms, again in colors that I would never choose, that we had in O'Fallon. Base housing is like a blank slate for me...painted and accessorized is just a reminder that "you are not the homeowner - watch what you're doing".

I'm having an incredibly hard time getting settled in this house. I can't get comfortable. At least now I know why.

No Expectations

Well, it's our last night in Montgomery. I have to admit, I never thought I'd become so attached to a place so foreign to me. I'm from Iowa. What do I know about the South?! Did I become attached to the place or the people...probably a combination of both.

We headed to Maxwell for an exciting new job - SOS squadron commander. Yikes! Yeah, that was scary. Were we really old enough to be squadron commander/spouse? I'm nowhere near being one of those spouses better known as "the hostess with the mostest". Was I ready to be the one that other spouses called if they needed something?

For some reason I've always been more interested in the "job" portion of my husband's assignment rather than the "spouse" portion. I used to be able to tell you how many fire extinguishers there are on a C-130 and where they are located...I used to be able to chum a chart...I knew all the Ft. Bragg drop zones and the difference between CDS and HE. I never had a huge desire to sit around with other spouses and drink coffee or make small talk.

However, the spouses I met here at Maxwell were something different. Most of them were...for lack of a better term, "non-expecting". I don't know if that's really a word or not, but it's what fits. They didn't expect me to be "all that". They weren't wearing white gloves to anything...thank God! They were just regular spouses who were doing their best to support their Airman. I found that to be true of most of the spouses I ran into at Maxwell, not just those in our squadron/school...like our AF friends from TKD and our neighbors here on base. It was relaxing and refreshing to just be friends...not being outcast or avoided because my husband's job title was squadron commander.

It's going to sound like I'm switching gears here, but I need to take an aside...

The one thing I've learned in my 19+ years of AF life is that it's easier to NOT say goodbye to people. I don't mean the "our paths will cross again" type of goodbye...I'm talking about the "go to dinner/hugs/pictures/etc" type of goodbye. This our 9th PCS. There was a time when we made it a point to make sure to find everyone and say a "proper" goodbye. They were nice, but they were so painful. Somewhere along the line, we missed saying goodbye to someone and it felt a little bit easier. You're talking to a person, knowing in the back of your mind that it will probably be the last time you see or talk to them, but you don't mention it and you go on about your business as if you'll see them again tomorrow. It sounds so cold in black and white, but it works so much better for me.

So, for those of you that may not have gotten a "proper" goodbye from me, please don't take it personally. I'm being slightly selfish. Thanks for understanding.

No Title

DAMN I HATE MOVING!

PCS Stories - Move #1

With our impending move fast approaching, I have been reminiscing about some of our past moves. Each move has particular memories for me. Some are the moving process itself, some are the people or the places. Every PCS has it's own story. We are entering the "older-than-most-everyone-else-in-the-Air-Force" crowd, so some of the things I mention have long since passed and will probably be totally foreign to many. Here goes.....

Move #1 - Ames, IA to Sacramento, CA (Mather AFB)...aka A big wad of cash, some sandwiches, and a dancing airman.

Mather AFB was an early BRAC victim. It was a great base! Fabulous location for new lieutenants (and their families) - 2 hours from the Sierras, 2 hours from San Francisco. Gas was cheap and you had nothing but time and money. Alas, this is not the big memory for me.

The first memory was going to Offutt AFB (Omaha, NE) to get our travel advance! By travel advance, I mean PCS money! There was no government travel card back then - thank God! We drove 3 hours to pick up cold, hard cash....I think it was about $2000 worth! As poor, just-graduated college students, we were going to move cheap and save a bunch of that cash.

I think the AF gave us 5-7 days to get from IA to CA. We divided up the drive and figured out where we would spend each night. (Remember those little books that the hotel chains used to put out that listed every hotel by state. We had all the books and checked all the prices!) The first night, we officially spent at Nort's parents' house in Kansas City; 2nd night - Denver (probably a Comfort Inn); 3rd night - Grand Junction, CO (Motel 6 - Yes, Motel 6); 4th night - Salt Lake City, UT (some "nice" hotel in the city that probably cost $75/night - that was our "fancy" hotel night); 5th night - make it to Mather AFB, CA.

We were going to save even more money by making some sandwiches to eat along the way instead of restaurants all the time. While in KC, we made about 4 hoagie-length sandwiches that we Saran-wrapped and stuck in the cooler with some chips and sodas (or "pop" as we called it back then). I remember stopping at a rest area near Hays, KS to eat lunch. It was windy! After 2 days of eating sandwiches, we threw the rest out and ate some fast food from then on. Oh, the other good travel story was the day we drove from Denver to Grand Junction. It was June. When we left KS it was pretty warm. Not quite that warm at the Continental Divide! We were in shorts and there was snow on the ground and it was freezing up there! We took some quick pictures and moved on.

(Ok, we're old, but this picture does pre-date our time there!)

The other memory from that move was our arrival at Mather. Driving up to an AF base gate back then was slightly intimidating. The gate guards all wore blues and white gloves. I remember one particular guard...I called him "Mr. Happy" because he was always smiling and waving and snapping a smart salute. Ah, those were the days...A smiling, happy gate guard. This guy used to have a routine, dare I call it a dance, for waving the cars through. He would wave his arms, spin around, blow his whistle, the whole nine yards. It was awesome!



Back then all of our belongings fit into that little part of the moving van that fits over the "5th wheel" area - I'm not a trucker, I don't know what it's officially called - but you know what I'm talking about. We took a minimal amount of stuff in our VW Golf - it had to make over the Rocky Mountains for crying out loud!!



So, some 18 months later, we'd load up the Golf again and head for AZ...but that's another blog post. Stay tuned.

Anti-Smoking Commercial

As a mom, I'm appalled at this commercial. This little boy is not old enough to understand that his mother has not actually left him at this busy train station. I understand the point behind the ad...I understand that CPS was on-scene. I don't have to like it.

I think any mom I know would agree with me that this boy's tears are REAL - he is NOT acting. It brings me to tears!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I Love Our Neighborhood

Rain or shine, the 'gang' of elementary school boys in our neighborhood are out and about doing what little boys do. I'm going to miss it when we leave...

It was so refreshing to see 5 or 6 little boys (with an average of age of about 8.5) sitting in the middle of the driveway eating popsicles yesterday afternoon. (I only wish I'd gotten a picture of it!)

It was refreshing to hear them playing outside. Times have changed, but the games young boys play outside are still the same...cowboys and indians/cops and robbers/star wars/army men...pretty much anything with a hat or helmet and some sort of weapon (toy weapons, of course).

It is refreshing to hear my 8 year old say that he's really going to miss CD when we move. He hasn't been old enough to really experience a military move yet - leaving friends, memories, etc. - I'm dreading the summer months!

It's refreshing to be able to send my 8 year old out the back door and that all he has to do is walk across the neighbor's back yard, cross the street and he's at the school.

It's refreshing to know that when the National Anthem plays at 1700, all the little guys line up, stand at attention and put their hand over their heart...for 2 minutes! A sight to behold. (I need a picture of that too!)

It was refreshing to see my 8 year old hop out of his dinner chair last night, willing to go help a friend look for his Nerf gun, even though he was already "in" for the night. "Where was the last place you had it?" he asked his friend. (He talked him through it as if he'd heard the speech somewhere before! Hmmm...wonder where!)

It is refreshing to see the boys meet up on the way to school in the morning and run across the backyard together. It is equally enjoyable to hear them on their way home in the afternoon.

It is refreshing to have neighbor kids who are respectful and understand that homework or scouts or sports practice or dinner/lunch or even running errands w/Mom takes precedence before being able to play.

I shall enjoy all these things while I can. I hope my boys remember these times and these people! I know I will.

Things Change

I'm not opposed to change, but sometimes I don't like it. Even though there's a move in our near future, that's not the change that's currently on my mind. Lately I've been thinking about how the Air Force, as a way of life, has changed.

Ok, I understand...I'm "old". Old people don't like change! I've been a part of "the greatest Air Force the world has ever known" (to quote a friend) for 19 years. I've seen lots of uniform changes...leadership changes...draw-downs...I've seen airplanes move from active use to the "boneyard" in Tucson...gate guards that used to wear white gloves and had a flair about waving/saluting you through the gate...I could go on and on.

But the topic for me right now is how the AF used to be "a way of life", but now it seems to be more of just a "JOB". (Ok, let the arrows fly...)

I'm not exactly sure when it started happening. When we started out, EVERYONE lived on base. It was the place to be...and, it was affordable. The condition of your home didn't seem to matter as much. Schools didn't seems to be an issue then; we had plenty of senior leaders with older children living on base. We all (all ranks) went to the O'Club on Friday night. (People actually got babysitters and went to the club.) We stuck together...probably because we only had each other. (That hasn't changed...AF people, for the most part, are separated from family.) We used to hang out with people from our squadron(s)/unit. We did stuff together...and enjoyed it!

Somewhere along the line, most of that changed. It seems that more people live off-base now. You can get a way nicer house (compared to base housing) for your BAH. No one goes to the club anymore. (Part of that falls on the clubs - I'll be the first to say, they're not what they used to be.) Nobody wants to hang out with the people they work with.

Let me say this...there is a time in everyone's life/career when they need to step back. They need to take some time for family or themselves or whatever. You can't be involved every month of every assignment. I've been there a couple of times.

But, having said that, it seems like the AF is now just a job, like any other. People drive to the base, do their 8 hours, and drive home. God forbid if there's some sort of "function" or "social" that they have to attend. I understand that people have a life outside of the AF. I know there are school events, sports, church, clubs, etc. We do our fair share of those things too. I'm not saying you have to be best buds with everyone from work, but why is there so much non-participation? There seems to be no desire to make new friendships or to pass along experiences anymore. Are people just more anti-social nowdays? Do they not want to share themselves because they're only going to be there a short time? I'm confused by all of this. I guess it all boils down to individual priorities.

I have some thoughts on spouse programs too, but I think I'll save those for another post.

I can only imagine what the "old folks" at the commissary think about how the AF has changed! Of course, they're not in the daily grind anymore, but I'm sure they still feel it. I look forward to keeping in touch with old friends, going to squadron reunions and running into those old friends at new assignments. I can't wait to be one of those "old" people sharing stories of the good old days!

Grammar

When I logged in to update my blog, I wasn't sure what I was going to write about. But then, I read a couple of updates from my friends, along with comments from their friends. Something jumped out at me. It was proper grammar.

I must admit, I'm not a grammar goddess by any means. I forget whether the quotations go inside or outside the punctuation. I can write a mean run-on sentence. Semi-colons...let's not even go there. Oh, and lately, I've become a huge fan of the ellipse. (That's those 3 periods together - ...) All too often, I begin a sentence with a conjunction, which I believe is a no-no. (And, But and Or - they'll get you pretty far...)

The thing that really bothers me most is when people use the wrong word. For example:

Then vs. Than
Your vs. You're
To vs. Too
There vs. Their
Its vs. It's

Those are the biggies that come to mind. Then vs. Than is one of my favorites - mainly because my husband has a major problem with this one. (I'd love to be able to blame it on the MS, but I don't think that's the problem!)

Then - refers to time.
Than - refers to a comparison

Your - belongs to you
You're - contraction of you are

To - not sure what to call/describe this one, but it's different than...
Too - also

There - a place
Their - belongs to them

Its - belongs to it
It's - contraction of it is

I guess I should thank my 10th grade English teacher. I apparently learned something. While I'm here, I'll point out another trick he taught us: How to pick the appropriate verb to go with a compound subject. For example:

Me and Heidi are going to a scout meeting. WRONG! You wouldn't say "Me are going"; you would say, "I am going."
Heidi and I are going to a scout meeting. RIGHT! Drop one of the parts of the subject and make sure the verb agrees.

Let's switch it up...
Heidi went with Karl and I to a scout meeting. WRONG! You wouldn't say "Heidi went with I to a scout meeting" you would say, "Heidi went with me to a scout meeting." Again, make sure subject/verb agrees.
Heidi went with Karl and me to a scout meeting. RIGHT!

Ok, so now that I've opened myself up for incredible scrutiny, I'm going to stop. I apologize in advance to any English teachers/majors/writing professionals (Greg!) who could spend the rest of their existance analyzing and editing my blog posts!

Man of the Month - February

Yes, I realize that February is half over. But, better late than never...especially for this one!

February's Man of the Month is.....GEORGE STRAIT.


I've been a STR8FAN since we lived in Tucson. Tucson is country music. That was really the first time I started listening to country music...aside from the stuff my parents listened to that my ears could not avoid. (Although, to my dad's credit, I do enjoy Willie Nelson.) I digress. About that same time, the movie Pure Country came out - starring George Strait. I can still quote most every line from that movie. I'm surprised I didn't actually wear out that VHS tape! He looks better now than he did back then. A pair of Wranglers and a starched long sleeve shirt never looked so good!



Just recently George received a Grammy award for Best Country Album for his latest release, Troubadour. I own every GS CD. I like the old stuff and the new stuff. GS is classic in every way.


I'll say it again...A pair of Wranglers and a starched long sleeve shirt NEVER looked so good!!

8 Year Old Boys and Money

I apologize in advance, but I'm changing the "code names" for my boys again. This time should be the last. The oldest (12) shall be known as "Walker" and the youngest (8) shall be known as "Texas Ranger" or "TR". Those of you familiar with the movie "Talladega Nights" will understand the reference.

This morning, Texas Ranger popped the following question:

"Do I have enough money for an Xbox 360?"

Some background on the situation...TR is in Cub Scouts. They sell popcorn to raise money for the program. TR happened to sell the most popcorn in his pack and was greatly rewarded with a $75 gift card. (Note: The gift card was to Bass Pro Shops - a very appropriate place for young scouts to go pick up some goodies they'll want and need for their scouting career. However, there was no way TR was going to spend that much money at BPS, so I told him I would trade him the gift card for cash.) TR also filled up an order form and earned a $10 Wal-mart gift card for that. (Enter another gift card for cash trade here.) In addition, the amount of popcorn he sold earned him a $22 Wal-mart gift card as his prize directly from the popcorn company. (You know the drill.) Add to this the $30 he got from family for Christmas and the boy has a whopping $137 burning a hole in little Levi's!

Now, let me also explain the video game situation in our house...One of TR's best friends, who happens to live directly across the street, has an Xbox 360 and they spend a lot of time playing Halo on the weekends. (Neither myself or friend's mom allows them to play video games during the school week.) Let me also mention the fact that we own a Playstation 3...along with plenty of games, Call of Duty 5, Metal Gear Solid 4, every Lego video game ever made and a few other duds. Oh, and let's not forget the Nintendo Game Cube. We ended up buying that the year before the Wii came out. Oh well. Now that the PS3 is hooked up to the "big" tv, the Game Cube has been relegated to its storage bag. There are occasions when the boys unload it all and hook it up, but they are rare. Of course, each boy also has his own Nintendo DS Lite and, I'm guessing, probably 300+ games for that.

So, I answered TR's question with "No, not quite. Why do you think you need an Xbox 360?! You have a gajillion other games and systems to play."

TR: "But then I could play Halo."

Me: "You really think it would be worth $450 just so you can play Halo?"

TR: "I bet I would have enough if I got all my money from my piggy bank."

Me: "No, I don't think you would. And, I don't think you need an Xbox 360 anyway."

TR: "LOUD AUDIBLE SIGH"

TR donned his jacket and backpack and headed off to school...And everyone lived happily ever after. The End. (hopefully)

Junior High Boyfriends

Ok, so a friend tagged me on Facebook to post a list of 25 "random" or "weird" things about myself on my profile...so I did. Little did I know the uproar I would cause regarding a certain boyfriend I had in junior high.

Let me just start by saying that our hometown has a population of about 6000 (maybe 7000 by now). There were 86 of us in my high school graduating class. (We had 86 in '86 - catchy, huh?!) Multiply that by 4 grades and you have about 400 students in the high school. Junior high was 7th and 8th grade...so, let's figure no more than 200 students. Of course, everyone knows everyone else. You can't get away with much because somebody's parents will find out and yours will in turn.

So, anyway, back to the Facebook post...

#10 on my list of 25 things was: "I still wonder why my junior high boyfriend broke up with me."

WOW! I think I probably got more questions about that single statement than a celebrity in a Barbara Walters interview.

"Who was it?"

I tried to just quietly email the first friend who asked with the answer and a few extraneous notes about the situation. Then another friend asked...I emailed her too. More and more people wanted to know. At that point, I succumbed to the fact that it was just easier to post my little secret on the note.

There it was. The name of the 14 year old who broke my heart, out in the open for everyone to see.

He's not on Facebook, as far as I know. (Of course I've put his name in the Facebook search bar!) He moved up to 9th grade, which was at the high school; I moved up to 8th. 7th grade had a whole new crop of boys to pick from!! There were 2 that year that earned "boyfriend" status. They are both on Facebook and are my "Facebook friends." We've never chatted about those junior high days...I'll venture to say we never will. I enjoy the fact that I have those memories and we'll leave it at that.

Oh, did I forget to mention that my oldest son is in the 7th grade?! Yes, I am afraid!

Man of the Month

Having hit the big 4-0 last year, I've realized that I'm mature enough and comfortable enough to admit that there are certain men on this planet that...well...I don't think I really need to explain. I've decided that I will try to find a different man to "highlight" once a month. These will most likely be "celebrity" men who most people are familiar with. Granted, they will not all generate the same response from everyone....different strokes for different folks, but, I'm willing to accept the strange looks for what might be a strange choice.

However....

I couldn't start such a list without starting with the Man of 26 Years!! Nort and I just celebrated our 19th anniversary back in November.

(Note: "Celebrate" is a relative word. There was no dinner out - unless it was McDonald's or Hooters; there were no flowers - just as well, why waste money on something that's just going to die anyway; there was no surprise gifts - we spent that money on a new Sleep Number bed a few months prior; there were cards exchanged. We are both comfortable with this arrangement. Perhaps for the 20th anniversary this year we'll do something a little more "celebratory"!)

26 years...that's a really long time when you think about it. We started dating my freshman year of high school (he was a sophomore) at homecoming. The guy I was "going out with" assumed I was going to go to the dance with him so didn't actually bother to ASK me to the dance. Nort asked and I accepted. That was 15 Oct 1982.

I don't think parents or friends really count on anything lasting that starts when you're a freshman in high school. For some reason, we did. We've had lots of good times, and lots of stressful times (I won't call them "bad"). Every relationship does. We've made it through.

If someone asked what the key to a long relationship is, I wouldn't have a good answer. I guess I'd have to say that you have to just let some things go. Pick your battles. You can't stress over every little incident for more than a few hours. People say you shouldn't go to bed angry; I don't know if I agree with that. I DO think you shouldn't go bed angry 2 nights in a row. Get over yourself and press on.

I'm happy...I'm pretty sure Nort's happy.

He's my Man and he's my first "Man of the Month".

Age = Wisdom

I got the following in an email from my dad - a 68 year old guy who loves to fish...

A guy is 72years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'

He looked around and couldn't see any one.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

Thinking About Purging, and Assignments...

No, I have not developed an eating disorder...God forbid!

It's after Christmas, there's no more space for anything in either of the boys' rooms, and I'm in purge mode - not just purging their rooms of the mountains of crap they've amassed in the last 2.5 years, but purging every room in the house.

It must be time to move. (In AF speak, we call it a PCS - permanent change of station.)

I think if you surveyed many AF spouses, you'd get a majority to say that every 2-3 years they get that "itch". It's time to move on...to clean out the house, pack it up, leave friends, find a new house, and a new school for the kiddos, meet new neighbors, make new friends, learn a new city (unless you're "fortunate" enough to return to a base/location that you've lived previously), learn what your spouse's new job will be and how late he'll be at the office, set up the new house to be your home for 2-3 years and get ready to do it all over again. Yes, we long for this.

Since hubby (heretofor referred to as Nort) has been at "school" this year, we've known that there's a 99.9% chance that we'll be leaving here this summer. Odds are good that we'll end up in our nation's capital.



I'm not excited about it. I know lots of people have been assigned there and have survived. I'm just not a "big city" kinda girl. (You can take the girl out of Iowa, but you can't take Iowa out of the girl.) Granted, we'll have to live an hour away from the city to find affordable housing and a good school, but it's still "big city" as far as I'm concerned. Sure, it would be great for the boys. They're old enough to get something out of the assignment - to visit all the museums and monuments. I'm sure they would even manage to make friends in the neighborhood and do well in school. I'm just not excited about it.

We've lived in major cities before - Sacramento, Tucson, Little Rock, Montgomery - ok, maybe they're not that major, but they're bigger than our 6,000 population hometown. They were all great, and we were excited to go to all of them. Honestly, I think I can say we have been excited about every assignment - big city or rural - and I'm sure we will be again, once we find out where we're headed.

The good thing is, in my 19 years as an AF spouse, I've learned to expect the unexpected. Don't assume anything (especially an assignment) is a done deal or written in stone. I've also learned to not worry about it. There's nothing I can do about it, why stress about it. I'll deal with it when we find out...which should be February or March. In the meantime, I'll think about all the other options that could come down. I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope that the powers-that-be take a good look at what assignments are best for Nort in the long run...shoot, I'd even take a deployment - at least it fills a square, actually more than one square!

Anyway, I'm going to eat breakfast and start purging...the house, people, the house!

Writer's Block

It's been 2 weeks since I've posted anything. That's mainly due to the fact that my husband and children have been home for 2 weeks! Don't get me wrong, it was great having all 4 of us with no sort of schedule for 2 weeks. But, I need some private time to write on the blog and that just wasn't going to happen with everyone home.

So now, everyone's back at it and I'm alone with the computer. Unfortunately, I'm having a hard time coming up with something to write about. I have a topic I want to bring out soon, but it's just not flowing today. I'm hoping that just writing something will help me get started.