Sometimes you just have no idea what's really going on with people behind the scenes.
Sickness, sadness, fed-up-ness, trials & tribulations...the list is endless.
How many times a day do you ask someone "How are you?" or you are asked yourself. We politely reply "I'm fine, thanks." and go about our business. Are we really fine? At what point are we allowed to go off and express what's really going on with us?
Let me interject here that I AM FINE. Really.
We've experienced some events recently that just make me wonder what kind of crazy crap is going on with other people...neighbors, friends, family...that we don't know about. What kind of secrets do we keep? When do we decide to share, if we do? What are we worried about? Shame? Pity? Whining?
Food for thought. Do you put up a facade? Do you really know what's going on with your friends and family? Do you think they could be holding back on something?
Let me reiterate...I AM FINE...my family is FINE. I'm simply wondering!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
I Love My Military Friends!
To any and all friends that we've had the pleasure of knowing, by being neighbors of, or having our kids hang out together, or whatever reason brought us together...I just want you to know that I treasure our friendship. I feel for our Army friends who undoubtedly know someone at Fort Hood and were scared senseless...I feel for my AF friend who is trying to get moved...I feel for my AF friend who has cancer - again....I could go on and on. We stick by each other, whether we're next door or across the globe. We have to.
Thanks for being my friend!
Thanks for being my friend!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Negative Bias...
I've known quite a few people who have done their...."turn"...."penance"....."time"...."duty"....as a spouse of someone working at the Pentagon. I can't really remember any of them putting a positive spin on the situation.
Sure, there are many, many opportunities here in the DC metro -
- all the museums and monuments
- all the battlefields
- being in the heart of American government
- upscale shopping
- short(er) drives to East coast hotspots
But, for the most part, we all end up spreading the negative bias. And I'm not just talking about DC traffic. I'll hold off on the "area" bias for another day because I think I've put my finger on what I dislike about being a Pentagon spouse. (I was going to use the word "widow" instead of spouse, but realized that it was in bad taste.)
My husband has been an active duty Air Force officer for 19 years. I recently realized that the best years (for me) were the years where spouses were a welcome part of his job. Was I welcome at a party, or roaming around the squadron? Could I simply walk in the door and head to his desk (or cubicle, as the case most often was)? Did his co-workers know me when they saw me? Did I feel like I was "part of the team"? That's basically what it boils down to...being part of the team.....the cubicle team, the squadron team, the base team, the spouse team.
There's no team at the Pentagon.
We've been here 2 months and I have yet to see my husband's office. (He will say that's partly my fault and that I have shown no interest.) I have yet to meet anyone he works with. The Pentagon is a giant concrete building with controlled access. (Did I mention that the number of people working there is greater than the population of my hometown...by like 3 times?) People commute to work, people commute home. I suppose it's like a "normal" (non-military) job in that respect. My husband works longer hours now than he ever has. I suppose that comes with the territory...increased rank, increased responsibility. There's no room for family in this building. It is simply, a workplace.
The thing that gets me is that spouses of Pentagon workers are no different than Joe Schmo. I have a military ID, but it doesn't matter. I still have to be signed in and escorted in the building. I guess I've taken for granted all the access and privileges given to me before now. I no longer have an actual "base" that I can say we're stationed at. We're like nomads (with a house) who have to roam from post to post to base or wherever to access commissaries, health clinics, shopping, etc. Oh, and as far as shopping goes...don't bother heading to the PX nearest me for any children's items (clothes, shoes, etc) because they don't have any. Seriously, they don't carry any kid stuff. Guess I'll hit Target; it's closer than the BX in Maryland.
The SECAF just proclaimed this "Year of the Air Force Family". I wonder how the Air Force families of the Pentagon will be remembered/honored. I'm sure other bases will have parties and concerts and community fairs and all that fun MWR stuff. We'll probably be offered some discounted tickets to a Nationals game.
It just seems to me that being a spouse should count for something. I don't know what exactly I'm looking for, I just know what I'm not getting. No, I'm not interested in a Pentagon spouse support group. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm after a sense of being part of this "team" that my husband spends so much time playing for.
Sure, there are many, many opportunities here in the DC metro -
- all the museums and monuments
- all the battlefields
- being in the heart of American government
- upscale shopping
- short(er) drives to East coast hotspots
But, for the most part, we all end up spreading the negative bias. And I'm not just talking about DC traffic. I'll hold off on the "area" bias for another day because I think I've put my finger on what I dislike about being a Pentagon spouse. (I was going to use the word "widow" instead of spouse, but realized that it was in bad taste.)
My husband has been an active duty Air Force officer for 19 years. I recently realized that the best years (for me) were the years where spouses were a welcome part of his job. Was I welcome at a party, or roaming around the squadron? Could I simply walk in the door and head to his desk (or cubicle, as the case most often was)? Did his co-workers know me when they saw me? Did I feel like I was "part of the team"? That's basically what it boils down to...being part of the team.....the cubicle team, the squadron team, the base team, the spouse team.
There's no team at the Pentagon.
We've been here 2 months and I have yet to see my husband's office. (He will say that's partly my fault and that I have shown no interest.) I have yet to meet anyone he works with. The Pentagon is a giant concrete building with controlled access. (Did I mention that the number of people working there is greater than the population of my hometown...by like 3 times?) People commute to work, people commute home. I suppose it's like a "normal" (non-military) job in that respect. My husband works longer hours now than he ever has. I suppose that comes with the territory...increased rank, increased responsibility. There's no room for family in this building. It is simply, a workplace.
The thing that gets me is that spouses of Pentagon workers are no different than Joe Schmo. I have a military ID, but it doesn't matter. I still have to be signed in and escorted in the building. I guess I've taken for granted all the access and privileges given to me before now. I no longer have an actual "base" that I can say we're stationed at. We're like nomads (with a house) who have to roam from post to post to base or wherever to access commissaries, health clinics, shopping, etc. Oh, and as far as shopping goes...don't bother heading to the PX nearest me for any children's items (clothes, shoes, etc) because they don't have any. Seriously, they don't carry any kid stuff. Guess I'll hit Target; it's closer than the BX in Maryland.
The SECAF just proclaimed this "Year of the Air Force Family". I wonder how the Air Force families of the Pentagon will be remembered/honored. I'm sure other bases will have parties and concerts and community fairs and all that fun MWR stuff. We'll probably be offered some discounted tickets to a Nationals game.
It just seems to me that being a spouse should count for something. I don't know what exactly I'm looking for, I just know what I'm not getting. No, I'm not interested in a Pentagon spouse support group. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm after a sense of being part of this "team" that my husband spends so much time playing for.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Special Knowledge...
Why is it that men (or, at least the men in my house) seem to think that women have some special knowledge about where things are in the house?! Does anyone else have this issue at their house?!
Yesterday, Nort washes his hands at the kitchen sink. There is that one last paper towel stuck to the roll. He stands there, hands dripping, and yells for someone to get him another paper towel. (I am also apparently the only person who will pry that last paper towel from the roll.) At that particular time, I was trying to assemble my family's dinner on their plates. The children were sitting on the couch in the next room. Did they come to their father's rescue? NO! "I don't know where the paper towels are!" (Did I mention there's a whole basket of napkins a mere 3 steps away from either one of them?) So, I stop fixing plates and walk 3 steps over to the cabinet where all the "extra" stuff lives...you know, the 3 or 4 rolls of paper towels, 2 packs of paper plates, the rest of the bag of napkins...all the stuff that's there, but no one knows is there. I grab a roll of paper towels and hand them to Nort. At least he managed to open them and put the roll on the holder all by himself. Which is something he won't do in the bathroom!
Is my husband the only one who doesn't know how to change a roll of toilet paper?! Where did I screw up in his training? Is that my fault or his mother's? Should I be making sure this is something my boys can do so any future daughters-in-law will not have to deal with such nonsense? (Nor blaming me for my son's faults!) I'm at a loss.
The cabinet will continue to be stocked. Will I continue to be the only one who can replace said items? Let's hope not...now that everyone's been schooled on where the mystery items live!
Yesterday, Nort washes his hands at the kitchen sink. There is that one last paper towel stuck to the roll. He stands there, hands dripping, and yells for someone to get him another paper towel. (I am also apparently the only person who will pry that last paper towel from the roll.) At that particular time, I was trying to assemble my family's dinner on their plates. The children were sitting on the couch in the next room. Did they come to their father's rescue? NO! "I don't know where the paper towels are!" (Did I mention there's a whole basket of napkins a mere 3 steps away from either one of them?) So, I stop fixing plates and walk 3 steps over to the cabinet where all the "extra" stuff lives...you know, the 3 or 4 rolls of paper towels, 2 packs of paper plates, the rest of the bag of napkins...all the stuff that's there, but no one knows is there. I grab a roll of paper towels and hand them to Nort. At least he managed to open them and put the roll on the holder all by himself. Which is something he won't do in the bathroom!
Is my husband the only one who doesn't know how to change a roll of toilet paper?! Where did I screw up in his training? Is that my fault or his mother's? Should I be making sure this is something my boys can do so any future daughters-in-law will not have to deal with such nonsense? (Nor blaming me for my son's faults!) I'm at a loss.
The cabinet will continue to be stocked. Will I continue to be the only one who can replace said items? Let's hope not...now that everyone's been schooled on where the mystery items live!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Issues...
My husband will be pinning on O-6 here in about 3 weeks. It's kind of a big deal! I already bought a dress; the boys have nice, new khaki pants (still have to find some shoes). He's making all the arrangements at work regarding location, food, invites and all that stuff that he should be taking care of.
Is it selfish of me to not want there to be any hassles or 'issues' to deal with that day?
There are some extended family issues going on right now and I really don't want the 'issues' to overshadow the celebratory nature of the day. Even if they're not spoken, they'll be hanging around in the air. We'll be feeling it.
I feel bad about how this is probably going to go down, but on the other hand, it should be Nort's day to celebrate - not worry about somebody else's feelings. Right?!
UPDATE: 'Issue' has been dealt with. Hopefully the day will be cheery!
Is it selfish of me to not want there to be any hassles or 'issues' to deal with that day?
There are some extended family issues going on right now and I really don't want the 'issues' to overshadow the celebratory nature of the day. Even if they're not spoken, they'll be hanging around in the air. We'll be feeling it.
I feel bad about how this is probably going to go down, but on the other hand, it should be Nort's day to celebrate - not worry about somebody else's feelings. Right?!
UPDATE: 'Issue' has been dealt with. Hopefully the day will be cheery!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I Finally Figured It Out...or, Why I Like Base Housing
Ok, a little background...
Mather AFB, CA - base housing
Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ - 6 months in apt, then base housing
Little Rock AFB, AR - base housing
Pope AFB, NC - 6 months in apt, then base housing
Scott AFB, IL - off-base rental
Fort Leavenworth, KS - post housing
Scott AFB, IL - off-base rental
Maxwell AFB, AL - base housing
Pentagon, VA - off-base rental
It should be obvious...we like to live on base.
We've never owned our own home. We're probably the only people we know that have never bought a house. We have lots of friends who buy everywhere they go. They've made lots of money trading up. They've enjoyed a nice, big house in the suburbs, living amongst the townsfolk. We're not grown up enough to take that plunge. We're the ones who would get stuck with the house payment and nobody to rent it out...or there would be a flood or tornado or some major component of the house would need repaired or replaced and we'd be responsible...NO THANKS! We'll wait til the Air Force part of our life is over and then think about buying that "dream home".
Our taste of the suburbs has twice been assignments to Scott AFB. The first time we rented in Shiloh, a small community between O'Fallon and Belleville. It was nice. We rented it sight-unseen. It was a beautiful looking home on the outside and not too old, how bad could it be on the inside?! (It was nice on the inside too! My favorite layout of any home we've lived in.) The second time, we rented in O'Fallon, from a former co-worker of Nort's. It was a very nice home as well.
Being that the Pentagon doesn't have any housing, our options here were somewhat limited. On-post housing at Ft. Myer or Ft. Belvoir was going to be impossible. We certainly weren't going to buy. Renting was it for us. We were fortunate to have a friend in the area that found this house for us. It's nice, don't get me wrong. But, now that we've been here in VA for a month or so, I've finally figured out why I like living on base better than renting. (There are more than one reason, but I'm going for the biggie here.)
I'M NOT COMFORTABLE LIVING IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S HOUSE!
There, I said it. I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out. Like I said, there are plenty of other reasons...convenience, friends for Walker and TR, being with people who are "like" you, etc. The biggie for me is knowing that this is somebody else's house/home. How can you feel comfortable when the entire time you're there you're worried about scratching the hardwood floors, keeping dirty fingerprints off the walls, maintaining the yard so the neighbors don't think you're a slacker, wondering how many nail holes is too many...
When I'm in base housing, I know the house doesn't belong to anybody. I can make it my own. I can hang up whatever I want and someone else will fill in the nail holes when I leave. The walls may be that boring off-white base housing color, but it's ok with me. I actually prefer it to the lemon yellow kitchen that I'm currently sporting (which I would never choose) or the entirely faux finished/ragged/sponged bedrooms, again in colors that I would never choose, that we had in O'Fallon. Base housing is like a blank slate for me...painted and accessorized is just a reminder that "you are not the homeowner - watch what you're doing".
I'm having an incredibly hard time getting settled in this house. I can't get comfortable. At least now I know why.
Mather AFB, CA - base housing
Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ - 6 months in apt, then base housing
Little Rock AFB, AR - base housing
Pope AFB, NC - 6 months in apt, then base housing
Scott AFB, IL - off-base rental
Fort Leavenworth, KS - post housing
Scott AFB, IL - off-base rental
Maxwell AFB, AL - base housing
Pentagon, VA - off-base rental
It should be obvious...we like to live on base.
We've never owned our own home. We're probably the only people we know that have never bought a house. We have lots of friends who buy everywhere they go. They've made lots of money trading up. They've enjoyed a nice, big house in the suburbs, living amongst the townsfolk. We're not grown up enough to take that plunge. We're the ones who would get stuck with the house payment and nobody to rent it out...or there would be a flood or tornado or some major component of the house would need repaired or replaced and we'd be responsible...NO THANKS! We'll wait til the Air Force part of our life is over and then think about buying that "dream home".
Our taste of the suburbs has twice been assignments to Scott AFB. The first time we rented in Shiloh, a small community between O'Fallon and Belleville. It was nice. We rented it sight-unseen. It was a beautiful looking home on the outside and not too old, how bad could it be on the inside?! (It was nice on the inside too! My favorite layout of any home we've lived in.) The second time, we rented in O'Fallon, from a former co-worker of Nort's. It was a very nice home as well.
Being that the Pentagon doesn't have any housing, our options here were somewhat limited. On-post housing at Ft. Myer or Ft. Belvoir was going to be impossible. We certainly weren't going to buy. Renting was it for us. We were fortunate to have a friend in the area that found this house for us. It's nice, don't get me wrong. But, now that we've been here in VA for a month or so, I've finally figured out why I like living on base better than renting. (There are more than one reason, but I'm going for the biggie here.)
I'M NOT COMFORTABLE LIVING IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S HOUSE!
There, I said it. I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out. Like I said, there are plenty of other reasons...convenience, friends for Walker and TR, being with people who are "like" you, etc. The biggie for me is knowing that this is somebody else's house/home. How can you feel comfortable when the entire time you're there you're worried about scratching the hardwood floors, keeping dirty fingerprints off the walls, maintaining the yard so the neighbors don't think you're a slacker, wondering how many nail holes is too many...
When I'm in base housing, I know the house doesn't belong to anybody. I can make it my own. I can hang up whatever I want and someone else will fill in the nail holes when I leave. The walls may be that boring off-white base housing color, but it's ok with me. I actually prefer it to the lemon yellow kitchen that I'm currently sporting (which I would never choose) or the entirely faux finished/ragged/sponged bedrooms, again in colors that I would never choose, that we had in O'Fallon. Base housing is like a blank slate for me...painted and accessorized is just a reminder that "you are not the homeowner - watch what you're doing".
I'm having an incredibly hard time getting settled in this house. I can't get comfortable. At least now I know why.
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