I've known quite a few people who have done their...."turn"...."penance"....."time"...."duty"....as a spouse of someone working at the Pentagon. I can't really remember any of them putting a positive spin on the situation.
Sure, there are many, many opportunities here in the DC metro -
- all the museums and monuments
- all the battlefields
- being in the heart of American government
- upscale shopping
- short(er) drives to East coast hotspots
But, for the most part, we all end up spreading the negative bias. And I'm not just talking about DC traffic. I'll hold off on the "area" bias for another day because I think I've put my finger on what I dislike about being a Pentagon spouse. (I was going to use the word "widow" instead of spouse, but realized that it was in bad taste.)
My husband has been an active duty Air Force officer for 19 years. I recently realized that the best years (for me) were the years where spouses were a welcome part of his job. Was I welcome at a party, or roaming around the squadron? Could I simply walk in the door and head to his desk (or cubicle, as the case most often was)? Did his co-workers know me when they saw me? Did I feel like I was "part of the team"? That's basically what it boils down to...being part of the team.....the cubicle team, the squadron team, the base team, the spouse team.
There's no team at the Pentagon.
We've been here 2 months and I have yet to see my husband's office. (He will say that's partly my fault and that I have shown no interest.) I have yet to meet anyone he works with. The Pentagon is a giant concrete building with controlled access. (Did I mention that the number of people working there is greater than the population of my hometown...by like 3 times?) People commute to work, people commute home. I suppose it's like a "normal" (non-military) job in that respect. My husband works longer hours now than he ever has. I suppose that comes with the territory...increased rank, increased responsibility. There's no room for family in this building. It is simply, a workplace.
The thing that gets me is that spouses of Pentagon workers are no different than Joe Schmo. I have a military ID, but it doesn't matter. I still have to be signed in and escorted in the building. I guess I've taken for granted all the access and privileges given to me before now. I no longer have an actual "base" that I can say we're stationed at. We're like nomads (with a house) who have to roam from post to post to base or wherever to access commissaries, health clinics, shopping, etc. Oh, and as far as shopping goes...don't bother heading to the PX nearest me for any children's items (clothes, shoes, etc) because they don't have any. Seriously, they don't carry any kid stuff. Guess I'll hit Target; it's closer than the BX in Maryland.
The SECAF just proclaimed this "Year of the Air Force Family". I wonder how the Air Force families of the Pentagon will be remembered/honored. I'm sure other bases will have parties and concerts and community fairs and all that fun MWR stuff. We'll probably be offered some discounted tickets to a Nationals game.
It just seems to me that being a spouse should count for something. I don't know what exactly I'm looking for, I just know what I'm not getting. No, I'm not interested in a Pentagon spouse support group. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm after a sense of being part of this "team" that my husband spends so much time playing for.
2 comments:
I am so used to not being known at Studly's job that actually knowing people from his work at this base is odd. He usually works with GS positions, so I know exactly how you feel.
There is a comfort when you can just walk in and leave a note on a desk, get stopped to chat, etc....or at least being close to a military base/post to be around others like us.
Hang in there. Keep up the mantra "it's only 2 years...it's only 2 years..."
I totally get what you are saying. We were in a "mission support" group where everyone was very close, there were a lot of young folks at the group that were away from family sometimes for the first time and enduring a lot of deployments, they needed a close knit group, so we did a lot of support type things, picnics, squadron parties, lunches in the shop, we were all there to see them off on deployments and there when they came home. You could walk into the shop and everyone knew everyone else's spouse, you were greeted by name. We went from that to STRATCOM where if you wanted to visit work you had to wait out a howling blizzard so someone could come to the door, sign you in, you had to be escorted every step of the way while red lights flashed to let everyone know that "danger, danger" person without a security classification is in the room. Very different feeling.
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